Mean-Ass Streets

There are three types of people on the mean, cold streets of Toronto.

1. Drivers.
2. Cyclists.
3. Pedestrians.

I have been all three at some point, and I have an individual rant for each, so listen up ball-wads, Im talking to you!

Drivers. I hate drivers. I think that the worse drivers on the road are the ones that have been on for 30 or so years, and have developed horrific habits. These are the people that brake suddenly for no reason and dont signal. Or dont have a fucking concept of distance and then pull out in front of you from a side road as Im driving merrily along, trying not to get angry. They are the ones that turn after the green arrow has long disappeared. I saw someone do this and just get t-boned by an oncoming car that wouldnt for a moment think that someone would be CROSSING THEIR FUCKING PATH WITHOUT LOOKING. I wish I had a paintball gun mounted to my car, under the bottom out of sight, I could blast away all day at drivers that irritated me. Take that!

Cyclists. I hate city cyclists. They drive everywhere, on the road, on the sidewalk, on walkways, up stairs, even inside elevators! Generally speaking, they dont really follow the rules of the road, and I dont mean to sound like some fucking square saying that, but seriously, if youre going to drive on the road, shouldnt you have to stop at red lights? Not go the wrong way down a one way street? Do you think youre exempt from these laws? Fuck, it just burns my canolli to see cyclists weaving in and out of traffic, then crying foul when they get cut off by an unsuspecting motorist. Makes me want to shove a stick in their tires!

Pedestrians. I hate pedestrians. Quit walking on the damn street! I dont drive on the sidewalk! Would you like me to drive on the sidewalk with my eyes closed? Then why must you walk on the road not paying attention to cars around you. I am not going to hit you if I see you, obviously, but if I slow down and then someone behind me pulls out to pass me they will fucking hit your ass quicker than a pimp on a non-profitable Sunday! Good lord! And please for the love of everything, if you dont have the signal to cross the street, dont fucking cross the street! You cant all be doctors rushing to save the life of a dying patient, an extra 30 seconds on your journey isnt going to kill you.

So to sum it up, I hate everybody on the streets. Get me my damn helicopter.

Gary's Fantastic Blog Top 5 HATE List 37th Edition


5. Will from Big Brother: (Hey moron, use some of those plastic surgery skills on yourself. Also, eat a cheeseburger.)

4. Michael Jackson. (You will never be safe from lawsuits no matter where you run off and hide to. And you want to open another Neverland? Come on dude, get a haircut.)

3. Ann Coulter. (You are the 2nd most evil creature in the universe. When you have left this earth we will be one big step closer to not being in the stone-age.)

2. Tori Spelling. (Youre in a show playing yourself? Yeah, maybe people will be interested in your again. Also, maybe Swing music will become popular again)

1. Petra Nemcova. (How do you make a good looking woman look hideous? Put her next to her new boyfriend Mr. James no-dick Blunt. Dont worry, shes ok with just cuddling you fucking twat.)