I hate Ma Bell so much

You know what grates my canary today? Bell Canada. Luckily, for me, its been about 4 years since I extricated myself from the vice that is the monopolistic conglomerate. When we moved out of our old place, we had our phone service changed to Telus, since it came pre-installed in our brand new building. But the other day I was thinking about how I use to be clusterfucked by Ma Bell and it got me thinking – there are still so many people out there getting cluster-balled! Get away from it! You have alternatives!

Bell Canada used to charge us $85/month total for our phone service. Why? I called them one day, and this is what they said.

Gary – "Why am I paying $85 for my phone service?"

CSR – "Let me see here, you have basic service, call waiting, caller ID, there's a 911 service charge, and there's also a $15 fuck you fee"

Gary – "Fuck you fee? What does this fee entail?"

CSR – "Well, sir, this is the fee that we charge all of our valued clients because we can get away with it, since there are no other home phone options"

Gary – "Well thank you for your explanation"

CSR – "Is there anything else I can help you with today, sir?"

Gary – "Yes, lick this." (proceeds to rub reciever on crotch)

It was on that day that I proceeded to seek out an alternative. And I found it in Telus. They charge us $25 a month for everything, and they're friendly as hell. That's why I moved out and bought a condo, just for the phone service. When I finally cancelled my Bell account, I snail-mailed them a letter saying that "if I did not have a choice in the future, and Bell Canada became the only provider available to me, I would drive to the grocery store, purchase two large soup cans, empty them on the ground, attach a string between them, and proceed to enjoy a more reliable and inexpensive service than I could ever have with your company. Thank you" FUCK YOU, BELL!


Gary's Super Duper Top 5 Hate List Volume 97

5) Ana Nicole Smith – (Your son dies, but proceed with getting married the following week? You digust me. It's TrimSpa baby!)

4) John Mayer – (You were on CSI, continuing the long tradition of great artists appearing on hit shows – like goo goo dolls on 90210. I was hoping you would play the part of the corpse, or the part of someone that got shot in the groin amidst "mysterious" circumstances)

3) Green Day & U2 – (I have an idea, how about nuts and gum? Or maybe rice and motor oil? Or even cell phones and sharks? What? Those don't together. You're 100% correct. Fucking Green Day.)

2) Jet – (You insulted The Strokes? Because Julian said that Jet makes him not want to make music? Oh, poor baby, did he hurt your feelings? Here's a tip, how about you write a song that doesn't sound like either The Beatles or Iggy Pop? How about that? What's your excuse? Do they not have these bands in Australia? And just by coincidence you sound exactly like these bands? Oh, that makes sense, you fucking descendents of convicts.)

1) Funeral songs – (James blunt song "goodbye my lover" is the most requested song at funerals now, and just when thought funerals couldn't get any more depressing. I hate you so much, James Blunt, my fire of hate burns deep within me!!)