Celebrities Eat Babies!

"Forgive me Tom for I have blogged and it has been 18 days since my last blog-fession"

I havent written a blog in a while, and what better way to jump right back into the ranting than discussing everybody's favorite pastime - celebrity hunting. No, I'm not talking about finding out where Bennifer II are eating their lunch, or even where Brangelina are getting their toenails golden-ized. I'm talking about the 21st century sport of champions - getting a paintball gun and hunting these celebrities down!! Like in The Running Man, or Hard Target. Sick of seeing celebrities get away with murder? Sick of seeing these undeserving wealthy flaunt their status with platinum toilet paper and designer cutlery? I am! So the name of the game is "Paint Hunt", until I or someone else thinks of a catchier name.

The other day, I had the "honour" of being in the presence of these "superior" humans, and I wouldve started the hunting game then if it didnt risk me losing my job. (I likes my peanut butter sandwiches!)

Paris Hilton was there, and let me tell you, to hunt her I would charge top dollar. (second only to the infamous J. Blunt). Elisha Cuthbert is a snobby twat, and the rest of the "Canadian Famous" jerks thought they were God's gift to everybody with the way they were strutting around backstage. Damnit I hate that guy from Simple Plan and his fucking face.

I realize celebrity will never truly die, but I'd enjoy a painty-face Tom Cruise, or a painty-dress Nicole Richie, or even a painty-everything Brad Pitt. I'm sick of celebrity. If you walk down the street with a camera in the U.S. filming somebody, 90% of passerbys turn and look at the camera or at the person being filmed, probably believing they've just seen some sort of superstar. Then they go home and tell their significant other how they had a brush with "stardom" and it then probably gets them laid. Get a clue, fuckwads! There are like 900 channels on television, each of which USE A CAMERA to film their programming. Pretty soon, 75% of everybody in North America will have been on TV at some point. Ok, that's a statistic I pulled out of my ear, but you know what I mean. So if you see a celebrity, pull out your paintball gun and start blasting. I declare open season on these parasites of civilization!

This rant does not include the wonderful actor Sean Penn.

Gary's Fantastic Blog Top 5 HATE List Celebrity Edition


5. Elisha Cuthbert: Youre a snob? Seriously, you used to be on Popular Mechanics for Kids. Heres a tip, get a fucking clue, dingus. (Call me!)

4. Paris Hilton: Wow, you are so deserving of fame for being rich. Other famous rich people include Hitler and Scrooge McDuck.

3. The guy from Simple Plan: I think I mentioned you in my first blog hate list. Well, youve returned and now Im mentioning you again. Dude, you have a big melon head.

2. Tom Cruise: Most powerful celebrity in the world? Yeah, how about I hit you with a two by four and you tell me the pain is all make-believe and you dont need to take pain-killers.

1. FUCKING JAMES BLUNT!! ARGH!!! MY WRATH SPRINGS ETERNAL YOU MOTHERFUCKING COCK-SMOKING SPACE-SHIP-BUILDING-THEN-CRASHING-INTO-A-WAREHOUSE-FULL-OF-YOUR-CDS SCROAT GOAT!!!!!



Ahh. Much better now.