Ok, yeah, it's christmas, I get it. But that doesnt excuse you all from my ranting! I was actually considering retiring from blog writing, at least in the ranty-sense, since I don't like being perceived as someone who is just angry all the time. Like 90 minutes of Lewis Black on stage - it starts to feel more like a shtick than anything else. And things have been going great for me lately, I don't really get angry like I used to. EXCEPT SOMETIMES I DO!!
I watched a very popular television program tonight, one that I have never seen, but only judged harshly from afar. This program is called Deal or No Deal, and yes you've probably heard of it, or are maybe even a fan of it. Well, allow me to opine! How does a show that requires absolutely NO skill give away so much money? And don't come back at me and say "oh, it requires skill, at the end, where the person has to decide whether to accept the money or not!" That isnt skill, dingus! I found myself cheering for the person to win one penny! That would be so cool, and also a burn! This whole show is just an elaborate version of a game I made up when I was 7 called "Guess the Number". No, I didnt have slutty girls, and no I didnt have a huge production budget. And no, at that point Howie Mandel was at the peak of his career as the voice of "Gizmo" in the movie Gremlins, so he wasn't available. After you choose the case, really, you're just guessing. It's all luck! One of those drinking birds could play this game. I'd cheer for birdy. I would want him to win the million dollars. Merry Xmas.
Top 5 blog of hate - END OF 2006 EDITION!
5. Rosie Odonnel. (nobody cares about your damn opinions, you racist donut! Here's hoping 2007 finds you banned from television!)
4. Christina Ricci. (How are you going to be in that awful looking sam jackson movie? Where you're chained up? Just terrible! Here's hoping 2007 finds you picking better movies!)
3. Tyra Banks. (The world will be a better place when you go crazy and take a religious sabatical in remote indonesia, no more panty parties! Here's hoping 2007 finds you living in a mud-slide ridden shanty-town!)
2. House of Carters (wow, terrible, my life has been wasted watching one episode of this show. Here's an idea for a reality show, take my dirty socks and put them in a mansion. Guaranteed ratings hit! Here's hoping 2007 finds you and the Backstreet Boys reaching the top of the charts once again!)
1. James Blunt in 2006 (you were voted #1 most irritating artist of 2006! yay! I agree completely with that award, except for the part about you being an "artist". Oh well, here's hoping 2007 delivers you the piping hot slice of obscurity you deserve. Watch out for me if I have a knife and agenda!)
Monday, December 25, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
It's a two-fer of Hate!
I..m seeing double! A double Blog of Hate!
Ok, usually I wait a few weeks to write a damn blog, until the anger builds up too much that I need an outlet to vent. But not tonight, dear reader. This blog is about fucking people that stare at other peoples business. That's right, you heard me right.
It could be somewhere simple, like the bank, or somewhere else, like on the street that you're driving on, but I need to vent this or its going to build up and make my head explode if I don't let you all know what it is that bothers me alot. Yes, it is people that stare at other people and their business.
Why do people need to pry on other peoples business? Their conversations? Their personal issues? Is it possibly because their lives are so butt-fuck boring that any sort of conversation overheard by them of strangers at least provides some sort of primal amusement that watching fourteen episodes of "my sweet sixteen" just can't offer? I was in the bank today, and there was a lineup of 10 people. With two tellers. So somebody walks up to the manager and starts talking to her about something to do with banking, so she wouldn..t have to wait in line to find out that same info. And like 5 people turn and just stare and glare and listen to the conversation, to find out what she's talking about, because their lives are obviously so fucking lame that they need SOME sort of external issues to process in their pee-brains in order to feel stimulated. Maybe these people don't have lives. maybe they don't have cable. i don't know, I really don't. But how about you just let these people deal with their own fucking problems. how about you don't bud your big-ass nose into other peoples business?
The same applies for those rubber-necking-slowing-me-down fuckheads on the highway that slow down to look at accidents in the oncoming lanes. I know - this is a common complaint, but it falls under the same category. I am so sick of this shit. I really want to ram my car into the back of them, giving them whiplash that they would feel for life for being such asses. Rubber neck? Then it shouldn..t hurt when I run my car into yours for slowing down because someone is STALLED on the side of the damn highway. Go home and fucking watch SPEED or something, if you'd really like a "tragedy" fix.
Get a life - all of those people that find some sort of pleasure in peering into the business of others. You need one, you fucking wank bags. FUCK FUCK FUCK I'm so angry.
But I'm calm now. ahh..
Except I..m not! Because this has just turned into a two-fer combo blog of hate. Here..s my theory. We never landed on the moon. Ever. It was all a hoax. Forget what you think about conspiracy theories and all that crap, here are the facts. We apparently landed on the moon at the end of the 1960..s. Now NASA is saying that it..ll take 20 years to get back to landing on the moon again. 20 years. FROM NOW. 50 YEARS after landing on the moon. We have better technology. More money. We should be able to do it again. Why don..t we? Oh wait, its because with today..s information exchange the government couldn..t pull of a hoax of that magnitude. If I met Neil Armstrong, I would punch him in the face. And kick neil Armstrong in the junk. Merry Christmas.
Top 5 dealy
5 .. jerks with wireless headsets for their cellphones. (fuck you!)
4 .. jerks with big SUV's (way to over-compensate for your lack of a penis. Fuck you)
3 .. jerks with hot girlfriends above their league. (way to fool her into that, jerk!)
2 .. jerks that realize that women like jerks (way to exploit that, jerks!)
1 .. jerks that names start with J and end with ..ames blunt... (My company is up and running now, and our objectives are painfully clear. Your days are numbered fuckwad.)
Ok, usually I wait a few weeks to write a damn blog, until the anger builds up too much that I need an outlet to vent. But not tonight, dear reader. This blog is about fucking people that stare at other peoples business. That's right, you heard me right.
It could be somewhere simple, like the bank, or somewhere else, like on the street that you're driving on, but I need to vent this or its going to build up and make my head explode if I don't let you all know what it is that bothers me alot. Yes, it is people that stare at other people and their business.
Why do people need to pry on other peoples business? Their conversations? Their personal issues? Is it possibly because their lives are so butt-fuck boring that any sort of conversation overheard by them of strangers at least provides some sort of primal amusement that watching fourteen episodes of "my sweet sixteen" just can't offer? I was in the bank today, and there was a lineup of 10 people. With two tellers. So somebody walks up to the manager and starts talking to her about something to do with banking, so she wouldn..t have to wait in line to find out that same info. And like 5 people turn and just stare and glare and listen to the conversation, to find out what she's talking about, because their lives are obviously so fucking lame that they need SOME sort of external issues to process in their pee-brains in order to feel stimulated. Maybe these people don't have lives. maybe they don't have cable. i don't know, I really don't. But how about you just let these people deal with their own fucking problems. how about you don't bud your big-ass nose into other peoples business?
The same applies for those rubber-necking-slowing-me-down fuckheads on the highway that slow down to look at accidents in the oncoming lanes. I know - this is a common complaint, but it falls under the same category. I am so sick of this shit. I really want to ram my car into the back of them, giving them whiplash that they would feel for life for being such asses. Rubber neck? Then it shouldn..t hurt when I run my car into yours for slowing down because someone is STALLED on the side of the damn highway. Go home and fucking watch SPEED or something, if you'd really like a "tragedy" fix.
Get a life - all of those people that find some sort of pleasure in peering into the business of others. You need one, you fucking wank bags. FUCK FUCK FUCK I'm so angry.
But I'm calm now. ahh..
Except I..m not! Because this has just turned into a two-fer combo blog of hate. Here..s my theory. We never landed on the moon. Ever. It was all a hoax. Forget what you think about conspiracy theories and all that crap, here are the facts. We apparently landed on the moon at the end of the 1960..s. Now NASA is saying that it..ll take 20 years to get back to landing on the moon again. 20 years. FROM NOW. 50 YEARS after landing on the moon. We have better technology. More money. We should be able to do it again. Why don..t we? Oh wait, its because with today..s information exchange the government couldn..t pull of a hoax of that magnitude. If I met Neil Armstrong, I would punch him in the face. And kick neil Armstrong in the junk. Merry Christmas.
Top 5 dealy
5 .. jerks with wireless headsets for their cellphones. (fuck you!)
4 .. jerks with big SUV's (way to over-compensate for your lack of a penis. Fuck you)
3 .. jerks with hot girlfriends above their league. (way to fool her into that, jerk!)
2 .. jerks that realize that women like jerks (way to exploit that, jerks!)
1 .. jerks that names start with J and end with ..ames blunt... (My company is up and running now, and our objectives are painfully clear. Your days are numbered fuckwad.)
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