Spoiler Alert!
An Angry
Disclaimer: The below rant does NOT contain any spoilers about the season finale of Dexter, but does reveal the following spoilers –
* Who shot J.R.?
* Who shot Mr. Burns?
* Who shot Liberty Valance?
OK, seriously what the fuck is wrong with people out there that don’t understand what a spoiler is? Webster’s Online defines a spoiler as “an airfoil mounted on the rear of a car to reduce lift at high speeds”. But that’s only because I was too fucking angry to scroll down the damn fucking search result page! No, you see, it actually means SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT SHOWS/MOVIES BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE HAS SEEN THE DAMN SHOW/MOVIE YET, YOU FUCKHEAD!! (I’ve just submitted that in ALL CAPS to websters.com, and they better fucking approve it!)
Scenario: I’ve PVR’d one of my fucking FAVORITE shows on television because I’m not some sort of fucking Weird-Al-in-the-movie-UHF loving fuckball glued to my fucking television set every night of the week. I’m the type of guy that likes to see friends that particular night, get a good night's sleep, and then go to work the following day, you know, because I’m PART OF FUCKING SOCIETY. And then the next day, while I’m at work - bam, whadya know, some dick fuck decides it’s acceptable to post the EXPLICIT DETAILS about how Dexter ends in a news feed that pops up in Facebook. THEN this person has the audacity to immediately post AFTERWARDS that there is a spoiler alert above what he/she’s just written. AND THEN NOT EVEN DELETE THE ORIGINAL POST. That’s like someone coming up to me back in the summer of 1980 and having the following conversation with me:
Fuckhead - Hey dude, what’s up?
Circa-1980’s Angry Gary - Not much man, just listening to some Air Supply.
Fuckhead – Cool man, cool, hey wasn’t that season finale of
Circa-1980’s Angry Gary – Totally bro, I wonder who shot JR, I have no idea.
Fuckhead – It was Kristin Shepard.
Circa-1980’s Angry
Fuckhead – Totally, I worked on the 8 track mixdown of the episode over at CBS.
Circa-1980’s Angry Gary – You are a CIRCA 1980'S FUCKWANKER.
Fuckhead - Sorry dude – I guess I should’ve said spoiler alert!
Fuckhead - (muffled bludgeoning noises)
I get it. Back then it was to be expected – if you didn’t see the damn show when it aired, you were fuck out of luck. EVERYONE watched the damn fucking show when it was revealed. But not these days! These days’ people have fucking lives! And fucking PVR’s! OH and perhaps maybe they’re watching the seasons on DVD and haven’t even caught up to the current fucking season!! Ever think about that?? CAN’T THERE BE SOME FUCKING CONSIDERATION FOR PEOPLE THAT CAN’T AFFORD CABLE AND HAVE TO WAIT TILL THEIR DAMN AUNT EDNA WITH HER LAZY FUCKING EYE AND GIVING NATURE PUTS THE 4TH SEASON OF DEXTER UNDER THEIR DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE??? Nope, apparently that’s too much to ask these days.
So here’s my public service announcement:
Not A Fuckhead – Hey, Angry Gary, did you see the finale of Dexter last night?
Angry Gary - Indeed I did, person that isn't a fuckhead...(proceeds to discuss and analyze and be merry)
Fuckhead – Hey, Angry
Angry
THE MORE YOU KNOW*********************
(fade out)
See the difference? Good. Thank you for listening, and do enjoy the finale of Dexter. If you don’t watch Dexter then just get your damn Uncle Leroy with his lazy fucking hip to get you seasons 1-3 on DVD or Blu Ray this Christmas. You’ll thank Angry Gary for it.
P.S. The man who shot Liberty Valance was Tom Doniphon, and not Rance Stoddard.
BECAUSE HE’S JOHN FUCKING WAYNE AND HE’LL KILL ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY!!!
