Hey there, late 20’s to early 30’s hipster! Remember your youth? Angry
WELL FUCK THOSE MEMORIES. THOSE MEMORIES ARE DEAD AND SO ARE YOU IF YOU GO OUTSIDE DURING THE PERIOD BETWEEN NOVEMBER AND APRIL.
Allow me to elaborate.
There are quite a few wars going on right now in the world (actually approximately 30 or so), but the local media wants us to believe that none have as much importance and terror as the one piling up in brown slushy piles outside our doors. That’s right, I’m talking about THE WAR ON WINTER. When in the flying fuck did certain “news” outlets become such alarm inducing crank factories?? The pictures their articles paint certainly do NOT represent the reality of what it is actually like to live in a country that is next to the FUCKING ARCTIC CIRCLE.
It’s snow people, and it gets cold. It’s always been cold. This isn’t some new development here! Want to frolic in the snow? Prepare to get a snow plow straight up your ass. Want to toboggan? TOO DANGEROUS. Friendly snowball fight with your neighborhood policeman? TASER TO THE BALLS.
Seriously, I’m getting sick and tired and angry at people huddled in a corner somewhere afraid to go outside because the temperature drops below -10. Here’s a tip, wear some fucking gloves! Don’t believe the headlines that “The worst of the weather terror is yet to come”, or that “snowfall will make your commute a nightmare”. Judge Judy flogging me with a large cucumber is Angry Gary’s nightmare, not some fucking WATER PARTICLES THAT HAVE FROZEN AND ARE FALLING TO THE GROUND IN A MAGICAL FASHION. GAHHH!!!!!!!111!
