Ah, the Saw universe, a world so fucking bewilderingly complex and well crafted that it took FIVE movies to fully cultivate the clever chronicle of a simple man and his killy-toys. I’m not proud to say I’ve seen all of these “films” by the same “writers” that penned the engrossing horror epics Feast and Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds. Is that NOT a fucking porn? Cause the porn name of that would be pretty easy to parody. (ie. No changes needed.) To appreciate just how good a fifth movie in a series can be, other famous “Quintilogies” in Hollywood history include Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach and Puppet master 5: The Final Chapter (after which they made 4 fucking more).
Do not see this movie. I took an early and painful tumble through its plot holes and somehow ended up in a different theatre altogether at one point. When the usher asked me for my ticket to THAT film, I looked around in disbelief and uttered “Saw 5?”, and he immediately understood and helped me back to the correct cinema. A note to the filmmakers: a large sudden piercing violin every 3 fucking minutes is not an acceptable substitute for acting skills! Finally, with an editing style so choppy that it made the Bourne Identity look like motherfucking GONE WITH THE WIND by comparison, at the end of it all I was so angry that the butter on the floor around me started to bubble from the rage I emanated. In other words, it totally cheesed. 2 Angry thumbs down! Saw 5 opens in wide release Friday.
